Pretend to be Nice

Teacher-Moms, on the edge…

Dear K-Evil, I want to say no…

Dear K-Evil,
I know, from being the kid in question, that if a mother prohibits said kid from spending time with a certain friend, the kid is just going to become even more attached to that friend. So, now that I am the mother, how do I limit the time spent and the influence on my sweet innocent child? Be aware that she is a natural follower and drama magnet. Everything we have taught her about what is right and wrong gets chucked out the window when she is around friends with strong personalities.

Our situation is such that we live far from school, most classmates, and potential friends. Sleep-overs are the default for hanging out because mothers, myself included, don’t want to drive more than we have to. I have said the friend is welcome to come here but not the other way around because, frankly, the other mom’s lights are on but no one is home.

troll Y U NO

 

Please, K-Evil, how do I say no without saying no?

Reluctantly,

Nee, Nein, Nyet

 

Dear N cubed,

Say, “HEY! Look at that chicken!”  and then ground her.

Just kidding – that’s what I would do (and we don’t even have chickens)!  What should you do?  I don’t know, but I’m sure I could come up with something ridiculous…

1)  Use the travel issue to your advantage with whatever excuse comes to mind:  it’s too far, I have things that needs to be done at the house, there’s way more fun stuff to do here, here’s $10 stop making me crazy…

2)  When said friend comes over keep track of things you don’t like.   This will open the door to “I told you so” situations and set the ground work for “man – what a beating” conversations when she leaves.   And since they are at your house it’s easy to control the potential misdirection of the leader.  (Oh, yeah, we don’t do that here.  Shucks – no pushing and kicking unless you want me to do it to you.  Peeing in the yard is not acceptable, I don’t care if she said it was ok or not.)

3)  Create a situation where there are more leaders or more followers – invite 2 friends over.  This will, of course, increase your work load for #2, and create an odd man out situation (which could lead to a lot of free entertainment for you, or a lot of drinking, or both – triple score!)  With only 3, the probability of your daughter buddying up with the friend you favor is in your favor, especially if you said the right things in #2.

4)  Tell your daughter to pretend she’s an only child.  No sharing, no arguing, no need to have friends – go read a book in your room.  I turned out just fine as an only child.

Maybe you should stick with, “HEY!  Look at the at chicken” and then ground her – you don’t want her to turn out like me.

chicken on road

Good luck and good grounding,

K-Evil

 

Here are more Dear K-Evil letters in case you missed them:

Have you had a pick pocket?

Have your kids found your secret drawer?

 

A little side note…for real…The heart of this matter wasn’t the spending the night, but that is an issue we have at my house.

I hate it when little people get together and conspire when big people are talking and then spring a request on you as you’re walking out the door or trying to get into the car.  So to combat this I have a 24 hour rule.  If you people can’t talk and plan ahead of time then I can’t accommodate your last minute request.

I can tell how good of friends my kids have based on the sleep over reciprocation.  I don’t like sleep-overs at our house…for lots of reasons.

1) We have rules and those rules always go out the window when other kids are over, which creates a situation for me to get onto everyone and remind them that we have rules – whether other people are over or not.  It doesn’t make me uncomfortable but everyone rolls their eyes that I won’t let them eat somewhere other than the kitchen and then we really have issues, because someone’s going to owe me a job for rolling their eyes at me.  (Nothing kills the sleep-over fun like having to clean a bathroom with your friend watching.)  Sorry, rules are rules.

2)  My husband and I spend our evenings in the living room, which is apparently the best room to do gymnastics and play tag.  Go outside and run around, but you are not winning points with me when we constantly have to tell loud, giggly girls to be quiet.

3)  My girls are a year apart in age and they don’t share well – this includes friends, so there is always an odd man out situation.  If I have to hear someone whine, “Leah is looking at us” one more time you won’t have to worry about having friends over because you will be living in the woods with the wolves.

and 4)  I have 3 kids of my own – I’m pretty sure if I wanted more people running around my house, eating my food, and making a mess I would have had more children, unless of course your kids would like to pitch in on the chores.  In that case, they are welcome – anytime!

If I’m friends with the moms, they know…I just don’t reciprocate sleep-overs.  Thank you for inviting my children to your house, but please don’t think that your kids will ever be staying with us, sorry.

Have a great weekend – here’s $20 for pizza and soda…at someone else’s house!

KEVIL

 

 

 

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7 comments on “Dear K-Evil, I want to say no…

  1. anntogether.com
    May 13, 2014

    Great post – it’s so nice knowing others go through the same…
    I’ve told both my teens – that if they want to do something and they don’t write it on the calendar (large desk calendar hung on kitchen door) it is not happening. For the most part – this has been working well. All calendar events are written in pencil (mom and dad have eraser power) 🙂
    AnnMarie

  2. Kevil
    May 13, 2014

    I’m going to have to remember the calendar thing when mine get older! I like eraser power…except I’m the math teacher that hates the stuff that comes off of erasers when you erase. You must use pencils in math…but stop erasing! 😉

  3. Thewitch
    May 13, 2014

    Love it!!! I hated the assumption that because I have four kids, that I
    (a) wanted even more of them
    (b) liked children other than my own (a lot of the time I wasn’t even that keen on mine)
    (c) was happy to have their precious bundles not only for the night, but for most of the following day!!!

    • Kevil
      May 13, 2014

      SO true! We have 3 older ones too (I have 2 step sons and a daughter-in-law). I’m looking forward to an empty nest 😉

  4. Pingback: Dear K-Evil: Do you have Dr. Ruth’s number? | Pretend to be Nice

  5. Pingback: Dear K-Evil: We have a hoarder. | Pretend to be Nice

  6. Pingback: The Best of the Best | Pretend to be Nice

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This entry was posted on May 9, 2014 by in Well, aren't you Smart!, You're SUCH a Good Mom and tagged , , , , , , .
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TeacherPop

| A blog for new teachers, hosted by Teach For America.

DFW Writers Workshop

Writers helping writers since 1977

The Social Norma

"I don't cut the ribbon at the opening of markets. I don't stand next to the mayor. Hit your baseball into my yard, and you'll never see it again." - Tom Waits

autismthoughts

My experiences with autism, depression, and life

LisaListed

The best things in life aren't things at all

The Zero-Waste Chef

No packaging. Nothing processed. No waste.

Properly Ridiculous

Mostly Pleasant [Possibly Offensive] Perceptions

Officially Gluten Free

Have your cake and eat it too, without feeling sick.

Chaos Girl & the Real World

{A Slightly Disjointed Life}

Tales from the Mama Duck

Family-Life. Faith-Life. Mid-Life. Sharing-Life!

anntogether

AM Roselli's art & writing site

User Generated Education

Education as it should be - passion-based.

Sass & Balderdash

Always tongue in cheek, often egg on face.

Live to Write - Write to Live

We live to write and write to live ... professional writers talk about the craft and business of writing

coolcookstyle

Find it, cook it, make it your own.

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

NextDraft

The Day's Most Fascinating News

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