Pretend to be Nice

Teacher-Moms, on the edge…

Liar Liar Ring of Fire

So this is my twist on the daily prompt – being a mother and spicy food.

PantsOnFire

 

I’m a big fat liar, especially when it comes to my kids.  I have been known to tell them that breakfast bars are candy bars, bagels are donuts, and I even went as far as giving my son dinner rolls with cheese melted on top and calling it a cupcake.  It’s presentation, delivery, and the fact that I’m MOM.  Contrary to what others believe, I do not keep them locked up and hidden away from society – I’m just that good!

 

mcd's

 

My best story was with McDonald’s and their french fry maker.  My kids always wanted McDonald’s, talk about social conditioning.  I never endorsed or encouraged fast food places – ever, but symbol/word association is a proven science that I just can’t fight.  So I would pull up to the drive through and “fake talk” to the person inside.  “WHAT?!?!?  No french fries?!  The french fry maker is broken again?!  What kind of boo hicky foo foo is this?!  Kids –  this place is ridiculous!  Why do we even come here?  Every time their french fry maker is broken.  What a crock!  Why don’t we go home and have our own “french fries” aka:  zucchini sticks with homemade ketchup 😉

And it worked!  For a long time!  Until my kids stayed with my parents and they took them to McDonald’s.

Grandpa, we don’t want to go to McDonald’s, that place is the worst!

Why do you say that?  Who doesn’t like hamburgers and french fries?  You can even get a soda.

A soda?  What’s that?  And you can’t get french fries here, their french fry maker is always broken.

It’s never broken, who told you that?

shocked

Shit!  I was officially busted!  And my Dad is fired from being a grandfather!  But I continued to spin my lies and they continued to believe me (what does that say about their mental capacity?)

Food is by far the easiest place for me to fabricate my falsities.  Like  blending spinach to mix with hamburger meat, veggies in smoothies, and tomatoes, carrots, and peppers in “cream soup”  aka tomato basil.

Except this one time…in the kitchen…I wasn’t paying attention and put the hot peppers instead of the mild peppers in the blender…

 

And you would have thought I was trying to kill them…and I totally denied everything. After yelling, threatening, and 2/3 of my kids going to bed with no dinner I perpetuated my lie when my husband come home and I fixed him some…

…hot…what are you talking about, it’s the same way I always fix it…

lucille-wink

 

 

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11 comments on “Liar Liar Ring of Fire

  1. K. Renae P.
    May 1, 2014

    I laughed out loud at Lucille’s *wink*. One of my favorite scenes from AD. Perfect way to end this post. The pants on fire was a pretty awesome start tbh. Enjoyed it!

    • Kevil
      May 1, 2014

      Thanks! I never know how my not so subtle take on things are interpreted when they come out of my brain… 😉

  2. Karuna
    May 1, 2014

    Very funny. I like your story a lot! And great use of media.

    • Kevil
      May 1, 2014

      Thanks! It’s bad when your 14 year old has to sigh heavily over your shoulder and want to push you out of the way in exasperation when you ask what youtube is…jk

      • Karuna
        May 1, 2014

        I’m laughing.

        I remember the same frustration when I took my teenage kids to San Francisco, eager to show them Haight-Ashbury. I was shocked at their “what’s that” attitude.

  3. worldofmymae
    May 1, 2014

    Very creative..

  4. KiwiBee
    May 1, 2014

    Hehehe I love your food lies! My mum used to do that to us sometimes too and I’ve started doing that with one of my nephews, particularly regarding McDonalds. We’ll have to try making homemade french fries like you do.
    The spice story was super funny, especially with the pictures and movie clipe. Spice is a great way to clear the sinuses and head 🙂 Did your husband like it?

    • Kevil
      May 1, 2014

      No, he was a wimp just like the kids 😉 One little mistake…sheesh!

  5. pavanneh
    May 2, 2014

    Lol..too funny. I wish I could be that creative. My granddaughter’s favorite food growing up was chicken nuggets..French fries. I wonder if that’s what’s wrong with her. ;D

  6. sheenmeem
    May 2, 2014

    You are great! Bravo.

    • Kevil
      May 2, 2014

      awww, thanks! But no more peppers in the soup 😉

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This entry was posted on April 30, 2014 by in OMG, You're Hilarious, That's SO Creative and tagged , , , , , , , , , .
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TeacherPop

| A blog for new teachers, hosted by Teach For America.

DFW Writers Workshop

Writers helping writers since 1977

The Social Norma

"I don't cut the ribbon at the opening of markets. I don't stand next to the mayor. Hit your baseball into my yard, and you'll never see it again." - Tom Waits

autismthoughts

My experiences with autism, depression, and life

LisaListed

The best things in life aren't things at all

The Zero-Waste Chef

No packaging. Nothing processed. No waste.

Notes From Dawn

with hope, life is more than just bearable

Properly Ridiculous

Mostly Pleasant [Possibly Offensive] Perceptions

Officially Gluten Free

Have your cake and eat it too, without feeling sick.

Chaos Girl & the Real World

{A Slightly Disjointed Life}

anntogether

AM Roselli's art & writing site

User Generated Education

Education as it should be - passion-based.

Sass & Balderdash

Always tongue in cheek, often egg on face.

Live to Write - Write to Live

We live to write and write to live ... professional writers talk about the craft and business of writing

coolcookstyle

Find it, cook it, make it your own.

Bucket List Publications

Indulge- Travel, Adventure, & New Experiences

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